Mother duties

18 Sep

So these last few weekends have been super busy for me. We have been at a few university open days with my daughter. She sure didn’t get her organisational skills from me because left to me we will probably be going to them next year. We are super proud of her.

Daughter has always been at the top of her class and although she works hard to earn her place, this recent weeks have exposed my shortcomings as a parent. I have constantly praised her, constantly teased her of the fact that she will be a big shot one day but what I haven’t realised in all of these is that I have been putting more pressure on her. Since choosing her choice of study in university, she has met more kids like her going to study thesame course as her in uni and of course among these people are some that got better grades than she did at GCSEs and she got really good grades. She has heard a few conversations at open days that made her realise that her playing field is no more comfortable, It just got bigger.
So she looked quite worried again today after meeting up with some girls who appear to have better results than her and when we had the parent talk with her, she wasn’t convinced still so after a few minutes when it was just me and her I asked her why she wasn’t convinced and she said “daddy keep saying I am on track but I am not used to being on track, I am used to being above track” That is when it dawned on me that in all our eagerness and excitment, we forgot to tell her that her playing field of about 50 kids just became a playing field of 1000 kids

So going forward I will appreciate and encourage every achievement she makes and stop adding any extra pressure on her by telling people what course she intends to study at uni as I have now realised I am not going about it the right way. So celebrate your children’s achievements, encourage their aspirations but do not add any pressure on them by allowing them compare themselves to another kid that does better. Rather nuture their shortcomings in a subtle way that doesn’

t involve comparison.

I am convinced she will get a place at a university of her choice she just needs to be convinced too 🙂

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Hellooooo

28 Jul

It has been so so long. I told you i was a pretend blogger, I bet some of you didn’t believe me then. Well I guess you do now :). So I went to dubai in december with my mum and sisters. My sister wanted to come and visit me in England but there had been a spate of refused visa applications so she decided against applying and losing the money and asked our youngest sister who resides in riyadh if she fancied meeting up in Dubai with her son and she said why not. While they were planning, my mum said why don’t I come along also. That meant all the girls and my nieces and nephew were going except me 😥. I couldn’t afford it and I kept complaining about it. Deep down I knew I would complain for as long as possible because that’s what I’m like 😁 but I wouldn’t be able to go with them (or so I thought).
So on my birthday of course this was last year’s birthday, we went for my birthday iftar. We did the birthday song and then my husband gave me a present; a trip to dubai! Unbeknown to me my husband with the help of the kids researched how much it will cost for me to go to Dubai with the girls and since it will be just me going it wasn’t as expensive. I was so over the moon that I was in tears, happy tears of course. 

Dubai was beatiful and amazing that i cannot wait to go again. I loved the time I spent with my sisters and mum and I hope us girls get to do another holiday in another part of the world. Maybe north Africa, I hear a lot about marrakech from friends at work or maybe sharm-el-sheik. Watch this space

Thank you so much for reading and I truly have my new followers and commenters to thank for inspiring this post 💚💙💝

Happy mother’s day

20 May

It was narrated by Abu Hurairah (R) that a man came to the Prophet (pbuh) and asked him, “Who amongst his near one had the greatest right over him?” The Prophet replied, “Your mother”. The man then asked, “Who after that?” to which the Prophet replied again, “Your mother”. Asked who is next, the Prophet again replied, “Your mother”. When the man asked who after that, the Prophet said, “Your father”.

I was very recently made to fully understand the above hadith. My youngest sister had a baby recently, Alhamdulillah mother and baby are fine. My mum was there with her throughout the labour. The labour lasted about 48 hours. It may not seem a long time but I know for a fact the effect having one’s mother during labour has on a to be mum. Yes I do, as I was blessed to have her present both times and words alone cannot quantify how much her presence meant to me especially when I was getting weak. I was away on the other side of the world waiting patiently by the phone for updates on how my sister was doing thinking who would have been giving me, my dad and siblings regular updates if mum wasn’t with her? Certainly not the expectant dad who is more occupied with making his wife as comfortable as possible in the circumstance. The physical and moral support and the endless chants of duas must have been a most welcomed support.

I remember during my first labour telling my mum I was tired and can’t pray anymore she said I will keep saying the dua just say it along with me as often as you can. Oh Allah bless my mother for me. A mum’s job is never fully done I think. The job doesn’t end when the children get married, settle in a job and have their own kids. Mum will in shaa Allah always be the go to person for a child whenever they are in a tight position. Well they are always handy for baby sitting duties too if you are lucky to live close to them.

The right of the mother to be served and treated nicely is three times greater than that of the father, for she renders three such services to her children which cannot even be imagined by the father. The mother bears the burden of the child during pregnancy, stands the pains of delivery, and then feeds the child from her breasts.” These three important services are also mentioned in the Holy Qur’an. As afterwards both father and mother play equal parts in training and bringing up the children, emphasis has been laid on the fair treatment for both of them by their children.

Oh Allah I ask you to bless my mum and of course my dad with good health, long life and the ability to be the parents they have always been to us for many more years,  give them a place in aljanah firdaos and accept all their duas on us their offsprings from them. Aameen thuma aameen
No matter how things are between you and your mum always remember that every Muslim’s paradise lies at the feet of your mum so give them the respect and regard Allah swt has asked you to give them and pray for them often. Take a moment to say a dua for all those mothers who didn’t get a chance to be mothers because they died so early in their journey of motherhood and also think about all those children who missed out on the joys of having their mum as their go to person. I can only imagine what it must be like for them. May almighty Allah keep all mums in good health to be the best they can be to their children.

So I wish my mum happy mother’s day because everyday is mother’s day to me
This post is dedicated to all mums for the brilliant job they have been doing since day dot.

No progress report

22 Apr

I am very ashamed to say things did grind to a halt on the weight loss front. Like I said in my previous post, I was struggling with what to eat on slimming world diet as a Nigerian. It was the easiest diet I could do but of course the recipes are mainly english and Indian.  I have a young family to cook for, they refuse to eat all my kind of slimming world food and i also have to work which means I do not have the energy to make 2 separate  meals so at this moment in time I give up. It’s only for now because I do intend to lose weight.

I started writing this months ago when I stopped but I was struggling on what to write to justify my quitting. I realise it may all sound like an excuse but the blog is about my thoughts, experiences sometimes and opinion so I thought I will go ahead and post it anyway.

Thanks for reading, I♥ and appreciate you all

Progress Report

20 Oct

I lost 2 ½ pounds in my 2nd week. I was elated about it because I wasn’t expecting that much loss considering I didn’t stick to slimming world’s way of eating in the 1 week before weigh day. I booked a holiday from the group in my 3rd week because it’s eid week and I ate like it was eid, I hope I haven’t put 4pounds back on. Hopefully the next week I will record a loss.

Well i weighed at the club last week and i lost a pound. Its not a lot but its a loss at least so I’m happy.
I am at that point now that as a Nigerian slimming world slimmer, I’m struggling with what to eat. I mean how can i resist egusi soup, banga soup or amala or eba? I have just been eating rice with different kinds of vegetables and chicken sauce or vegetables and fish sauce that  are slimming world approved. Sometimes I eat pasta but I so wish there are much more I can eat that aren’t time consuming or require too much planning.

I have decided that I will see how I go on at the club this week and then decide if I will carry on or stop going for a while. I will of course endeavour in my weight loss journey but take it easily and not pressurise myself into weekly weight loss. I saw an appetising recipe for potatoes and minced meat on Facebook a couple of nights ago so I will try it and see how I like it. I’ll keep you all posted xx

My weight loss journey

26 Sep

I am a self confessed lazy woman, I have been trying terribly unsuccessfully for a few years now to shift some pounds that have unfortunately turned into stones. I decided to join slimming world this time because friends have reported successes even while they are eating to their heart’s fill. No portion control so I thought if none of my previous efforts have worked, this may surprise me.

I attended the first meeting and came away with some books and magazines about food optimisation and recipes. Quick flick through when I got home made me more interested. I thought I can do this so I quickly made a vegetables sauce with no oil to eat with rice. As it was late at night, I couldn’t start boiling meat so I boiled 2 eggs to eat with it. I felt full and no guilty feeling because on slimming world, everything on my plate was free. I could eat as much of it as I want. I’m happy. Next morning getting ready for work I struggled on breakfast. The reality of doing slimming world hit home. What Yoruba breakfast can I eat that are syn free? Not sure but I know for a fact there aren’t any quick breakfasts for weekday mornings for this yoruba woman.

I don’t like baked beans but as it is syn free, I had to have it with 2 pieces of a 400g wholemeal bread and off to work I went. I bought a punnet of grapes to snack on at work, ate my rice and the left over sauce of the previous night with a couple more eggs. At night I had spaghetti and sardine in tomato sauce, oil free of course again all syn free but this was looking like it will be a boring weight loss journey. I persevered and did it again on Friday then on Saturday I cooked beans and replaced the palm oil with tatashe (red pepper) I ate it with grilled dodo again all free. My husband ate the beans and till now he doesn’t know there was no palm oil in it. Then I cooked oil free stew on Sunday with goat meat and Shaki (tripe) I removed as much fat on the meat and tripe as I could see and it was delicious.

I ate pretty much the same thing for a week but i really craved my biscuits as I tend to have a few at the weekend after eating but amazingly I only had 1 custard cream on Saturday. I was so proud of me I could have given myself a pat on the back if my hand reached. Anyway on weigh day I went to the club feeling quite nervous hoping for a loss of about 4lbs but believing that I would probably put on. I got on the scale and I have lost 1.5lbs not a great loss but its a loss and I am happy as it is a step in the direction I want it to go. I now feel confident going into the next week and I genuinely want it to work this time which is why I am documenting it and hoping for some support and words of encouragement from my readers when the going gets tough. Thanks for reading and I will update you next week xxx

Modesty

3 Aug

Why is it so difficult for women to cover up these days, I seem to ask myself this question quite often these days?  But when the almighty says you should dress up modestly, why is it so difficult to do this then? I understand it is hard work when those around you aren’t covering up but believe me, there are some seriously beautiful modest outfits around these days that even those people making you dress the way you are now will be asking you where you shop. You just have to look for it in the right shops.

What gets to me more than most is some Muslim and Christian women who say they are born again Christians and practicing muslims yet they go around wearing low cut tops, mini skirts and even provocative outfits usually topped up with garish make-up and vulgar jewellery. Some Muslim women will even remove their scarves or hijabs to “fit in at work” or please people. Some even say they remove it because their husband likes it when they don’t cover their hair…. He likes it when you sin??? and you are not questioning his reasoning behind it and refer him to the chapter about modesty in the holy Qur’an?

We alone are responsible in the hereafter for our actions here on earth not somebody else so do not let anybody be the reason you sin. We are only on earth for a while, our eternal abode in sha Allah is jannah. We know that ignorance is not an excuse in the court of law so we do not do anything that will cause us to be summoned to court. Why do we then feign ignorance when it comes to the commands of the almighty??? Nobody knows when they will die yet this thing which is as important as the other things we have been commanded to do to please our maker is being ignored. It isn’t easy being modestly dressed, oh yes I know because it is still a daily struggle for me.

Do something amazing for yourself today; set yourself a challenge that in one year’s time your outfits will be more modest than they are today. If you think you can’t do the transition at ones then take it slowly. For example start by wearing skirts or dresses with longer hemline or ditch all your low cut tops and start hiding away your cleavages. It won’t be easy and yes you will fail sometimes but make sure you get yourself back on track before its too late. My challenge is to wear longer tops than I’m wearing now and in sha Allah I will do it. Please for the sake of your hereafter take this challenge up and change your wardrobe even if it’s one item at a time. I will like to know what challenge you have taken on please share so that hopefully 1 or more people will be encouraged in doing so. xxx