Child abuse in 2019!

7 Mar

I published a survey in 2012 to help me write a blog post about child sexual abuse which you can find here. So I was surprised to get an email alert that my survey had 1 new response 😱 in 2019.

Very surprised but glad at the same time as it means I can revisit that post and see if things have improved in our society 7 years on but sadly we know it hasn’t and it is also ironic that I am currently reading a book by Dorothy koomson which is about 2 girls and a paedophile teacher. I was so shocked reading in plain text how he groomed them making them believe nothing was wrong in them being together and at the same time they must keep it a secret. I cannot wait to finish the book. We all know teenagers are always eager to be an adult, experience and experiment what we think is fun and exciting about being an adult and there will unfortunately always be one paedophile nearby ready to pounce on one. Which is why in my opinion it is a great idea to welcome those difficult and cringy  questions from our kids, now more than ever because if you shrug them off or are uncomfortable to answer those questions, they have friends in school, online or even professor Google that they can talk to.

It is up to you which one of the above options you think is right for your kids to turn to when they have questions. As for me, I talked to mine, answered difficult questions making sure I referenced the Quran. No matter what we do we can only try to keep them safe ultimately it is only Allah who can do this for us.

We need to do better, we need to do more when it comes to safeguarding our kids including the teenagers. Educate them, explain to them, make them aware of dangers online and offline because they may not always understand them even if they think they do. They tend to forget that even though we are parents, we were also once kids and are aware of some of the things they are facing either positively or negatively. Do leave me a comment as to what your thoughts are, we all can share and swap parenting tips. As always thanks for stopping by 😊

 

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Pitta bread

26 Jan

How we eat “healthy” as Nigerians is shocking and I hold my hands
up that I am very much guilty of this too up till early last year. I knew
I had to lose weight but I didn’t have the right information about
Nigerian foods and how to cook them to help me achieve this.
What I knew was that I had to eat more vegetables to support any
weight loss so what I did was eat vegetables along with my rice and
stew or vegetables with my jollof rice and carried on eating my biscuits,
cakes, crisps and so on. It took some time for me to realise I wasn’t

losing the weight but I was either maintaining some times or gaining

at other times. I had to do something more effective so I looked into

doing weight watchers but decided against it as it was all point based

on mainly English foods
and didn’t include Nigerian meals.Then I considered slimming world
and I found it was more accommodating of a Nigerian diet than WW
was I decided to do it. Somehow this only lasted for a few weeks and I
even wrote about it here until my group leader made me realize that
the losses I was achieving in those early weeks were quite low for someone
my size and we had to change things up.
Firstly I couldn’t not eat my okele every once in a while for the sake of
losing weight but SW did not have a way of counting syns (a system
on SW a bit similar to calorie counting) on amala or eba then secondly
I couldn’t afford to cook 1 meal for me and another for the family so
painfully I made the decision to stop weight loss the SW way until I find
what works which really translated to another failed attempt. I’m very good
at that you see, failed attempts I mean.
Around September 2017 my youngest sister gifted me with the loseitnigerian
guide and I kept hold of it without opening it for another 2 months then
around November I decided to join the support group on Facebook and it
was amazing reading all these transformation and support stories and how
they are keeping it up so I decided I will use this method as I strongly
believed it will work but in my mind I knew it wouldn’t work for me as I have
no long term determination in me.
Anyway I read all the notes in the guide on how to eat well to lose weight and
a lot of how us Nigerians eat became very clear to me. I now see pictures of

food and I understand how I will make it fit into my lifestyle so that I can

fully enjoy it and I know the consequences or benefits I will get from it all

thanks to LIN. I encourage anyone who is looking for
what best to do as per weight loss to
invest in the LIN guide you will not regret spending that
money, it is so worth it. We eat a large amount of carbohydrates in our
Nigerian meals which we then cook in lots of oil. I have even heard of going
vegan to lose weight and I have heard people swear by it. In my
opinion it is absolutely impossible to lose weight on a vegan diet if you
don’t understand how to eat which is what a lot of people need. The only
filling foods you can
eat as a vegan Nigerian are carbohydrates and

without properly understanding it, you won’t lose weight.
I really hope this post has challenged youto think of how

you eat and will make you reassess yourself.Did you take part or are

you taking part in Veganuary, would youconsider it? If you did how was it?

Leave me a comment down below please because
I always love reading your thoughts. Thank you 💙

Are you a natural?

7 Jan

I had been training a new colleague for the last few weeks at work and I enjoyed it a lot as it is something I had done a lot of from my previous jobs. It also helps me to be patient with people as I know we all learn at different paces and it also helps to highlight where I need to embed my own knowledge better.

Anyway after the whole training, they got me a present (a box of very much appreciated chocolates 😋) which was totally unexpected and I said you didn’t have to as I was only doing my job but in response they said “I know but you deserve it because you were very clear and understanding throughout.”

This made me resolve that my new year’s resolution will be to be more thoughtful than I have been as I would not think to get someone who trained me a gift as I will think after all they were only doing their job.

After analysing myself I can see that everyone around me including my siblings are naturally more thoughtful than I am. Does being thoughtful come to you naturally or do you have to be prompted? I’ll love to know. Leave your comments down below for me please.

Thank you for your time 😊

I Flew business class! eek 👏

8 Nov

I know, I know people do all the time but I have never so let me make a song and dance about it. It so happened that we decided to go on a family holiday outside of the UK that isn’t to Nigeria for the first time ever. After a lot of discussions arguments and even voting, we finally settled on going to Istanbul (best family holiday yet).

23 hours before we flew out, I logged on to the website to check we have all been allocated sits together. I tried booking our sits weeks before but it would have cost me £8 per person per leg of flight. No way was I paying extra to ensure we all sit together because I know that as long as I already bought my ticket I am assured a sit and no airline is making extra money off me unless I am getting something beautiful in return. Ask anyone who knows me, I am stingy like that. ☺️

So I logged on to check our sits and thankfully they were as together as possible then I noticed a message that said I can make an offer to fly back business class I thought i will click into it to see what offer they meant. I noticed it was literally just that, any offer so I made an offer and they replied that they will let me know if my offer is accepted or rejected in a few days. They let me know like 3 days to our return flight so I decided to keep it a secret from my family because I love doing things like that and I am a massive fan of surprises.

When we got to the check in desk and the lady printed off our tickets and handed it to us the rest of my family were wondering why we got a lounge pass and our tickets were cards and not the paper ones we had on our way out until my husband noticed”business class” written on the tickets. We were all buzzing and at the same time trying not to be over excited not to come across to others around us as if we hadn’t flown business class before. None of my family could understand how it happened so I told them how I had done it. We were all so over the moon and could not stop grinning from ear to ear but due to a delay on our way to the airport, there wasn’t enough time for us to visit the lounge in Istanbul.

The business class seats were nothing spectacular it was just that no one sat next to you which is amazing and instead of the normal “beef or cheese” question you get asked in economy by the host/hostess, we got a menu card to choose from. A MENU!!! We all kept grinning across to one another and taking loads of pictures.

We had a 6 hour layover in Frankfurt but in all the excitement of it all, we forgot to change some money into Euros from Istanbul for us to spend on refreshments during the layover. As you will recall we have never flown anything other than economy so we were quite surprised when we got to the airport Lounge that there was endless supply of different foods and different drinks. I kept on telling everyone we must behave so that none of the other passengers will suspect it was our first time flying business class but it got to a stage that I got so excited I couldn’t care what anyone thought of us anymore after all we don’t know them so what did it matter? So we took as many pictures in the airport lounge as we could and ate as many times as we fancied.

The flight to Manchester was also beautiful the only downside was that I forgot to specify that our meal preference is halal so we didn’t get to eat although by that time we had eaten so much in the airport lounge we weren’t really hungry as it was a short flight anyway.

We had a truly beautiful experience that we talk about it as often as the opportunity arises. I will love to read your experience of a beautiful travel or holiday you have been on. Thank you so much for reading, I truly appreciate you all 💚

Mother duties

18 Sep

So these last few weekends have been super busy for me. We have been at a few university open days with my daughter. She sure didn’t get her organisational skills from me because left to me we will probably be going to them next year. We are super proud of her.

Daughter has always been at the top of her class and although she works hard to earn her place, this recent weeks have exposed my shortcomings as a parent. I have constantly praised her, constantly teased her of the fact that she will be a big shot one day but what I haven’t realised in all of these is that I have been putting more pressure on her. Since choosing her choice of study in university, she has met more kids like her going to study thesame course as her in uni and of course among these people are some that got better grades than she did at GCSEs and she got really good grades. She has heard a few conversations at open days that made her realise that her playing field is no more comfortable, It just got bigger.
So she looked quite worried again today after meeting up with some girls who appear to have better results than her and when we had the parent talk with her, she wasn’t convinced still so after a few minutes when it was just me and her I asked her why she wasn’t convinced and she said “daddy keep saying I am on track but I am not used to being on track, I am used to being above track” That is when it dawned on me that in all our eagerness and excitment, we forgot to tell her that her playing field of about 50 kids just became a playing field of 1000 kids

So going forward I will appreciate and encourage every achievement she makes and stop adding any extra pressure on her by telling people what course she intends to study at uni as I have now realised I am not going about it the right way. So celebrate your children’s achievements, encourage their aspirations but do not add any pressure on them by allowing them compare themselves to another kid that does better. Rather nuture their shortcomings in a subtle way that doesn’

t involve comparison.

I am convinced she will get a place at a university of her choice she just needs to be convinced too 🙂

Hellooooo

28 Jul

It has been so so long. I told you i was a pretend blogger, I bet some of you didn’t believe me then. Well I guess you do now :). So I went to dubai in december with my mum and sisters. My sister wanted to come and visit me in England but there had been a spate of refused visa applications so she decided against applying and losing the money and asked our youngest sister who resides in riyadh if she fancied meeting up in Dubai with her son and she said why not. While they were planning, my mum said why don’t I come along also. That meant all the girls and my nieces and nephew were going except me 😥. I couldn’t afford it and I kept complaining about it. Deep down I knew I would complain for as long as possible because that’s what I’m like 😁 but I wouldn’t be able to go with them (or so I thought).
So on my birthday of course this was last year’s birthday, we went for my birthday iftar. We did the birthday song and then my husband gave me a present; a trip to dubai! Unbeknown to me my husband with the help of the kids researched how much it will cost for me to go to Dubai with the girls and since it will be just me going it wasn’t as expensive. I was so over the moon that I was in tears, happy tears of course. 

Dubai was beatiful and amazing that i cannot wait to go again. I loved the time I spent with my sisters and mum and I hope us girls get to do another holiday in another part of the world. Maybe north Africa, I hear a lot about marrakech from friends at work or maybe sharm-el-sheik. Watch this space

Thank you so much for reading and I truly have my new followers and commenters to thank for inspiring this post 💚💙💝

Happy mother’s day

20 May

It was narrated by Abu Hurairah (R) that a man came to the Prophet (pbuh) and asked him, “Who amongst his near one had the greatest right over him?” The Prophet replied, “Your mother”. The man then asked, “Who after that?” to which the Prophet replied again, “Your mother”. Asked who is next, the Prophet again replied, “Your mother”. When the man asked who after that, the Prophet said, “Your father”.

I was very recently made to fully understand the above hadith. My youngest sister had a baby recently, Alhamdulillah mother and baby are fine. My mum was there with her throughout the labour. The labour lasted about 48 hours. It may not seem a long time but I know for a fact the effect having one’s mother during labour has on a to be mum. Yes I do, as I was blessed to have her present both times and words alone cannot quantify how much her presence meant to me especially when I was getting weak. I was away on the other side of the world waiting patiently by the phone for updates on how my sister was doing thinking who would have been giving me, my dad and siblings regular updates if mum wasn’t with her? Certainly not the expectant dad who is more occupied with making his wife as comfortable as possible in the circumstance. The physical and moral support and the endless chants of duas must have been a most welcomed support.

I remember during my first labour telling my mum I was tired and can’t pray anymore she said I will keep saying the dua just say it along with me as often as you can. Oh Allah bless my mother for me. A mum’s job is never fully done I think. The job doesn’t end when the children get married, settle in a job and have their own kids. Mum will in shaa Allah always be the go to person for a child whenever they are in a tight position. Well they are always handy for baby sitting duties too if you are lucky to live close to them.

The right of the mother to be served and treated nicely is three times greater than that of the father, for she renders three such services to her children which cannot even be imagined by the father. The mother bears the burden of the child during pregnancy, stands the pains of delivery, and then feeds the child from her breasts.” These three important services are also mentioned in the Holy Qur’an. As afterwards both father and mother play equal parts in training and bringing up the children, emphasis has been laid on the fair treatment for both of them by their children.

Oh Allah I ask you to bless my mum and of course my dad with good health, long life and the ability to be the parents they have always been to us for many more years,  give them a place in aljanah firdaos and accept all their duas on us their offsprings from them. Aameen thuma aameen
No matter how things are between you and your mum always remember that every Muslim’s paradise lies at the feet of your mum so give them the respect and regard Allah swt has asked you to give them and pray for them often. Take a moment to say a dua for all those mothers who didn’t get a chance to be mothers because they died so early in their journey of motherhood and also think about all those children who missed out on the joys of having their mum as their go to person. I can only imagine what it must be like for them. May almighty Allah keep all mums in good health to be the best they can be to their children.

So I wish my mum happy mother’s day because everyday is mother’s day to me
This post is dedicated to all mums for the brilliant job they have been doing since day dot.